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Juvenile Excuses for a Juvenile World

Have you ever seen a 4 year old get in trouble for spilling the milk? He’ll be standing there in the kitchen holding his plastic sippy cup. Empty milk jug on the floor next to him, still trickling milk all over the place. And despite the abundance of evidence, when asked what happened, the 4 year old says “I don’t know. I didn’t do it.”

It’s actually kind of amazing to think that we ever once had the confidence (or naivete) to pull off such a bold lie. As we get older and learn more about the world, we start to learn what kinds of excuses are plausible and what kinds are ridiculous. But, between the ages of 4 and 8, you’re still experimenting with how much you can bend reality when it comes to excuses.

Luckily, the my parents kept a log of all my various whoppers. Here are some great excuses to use… if you’re 5 years old.

Knock Down: "I didn’t break the vase but I saw a big bird come in through the window and he knocked it over."

No Substitute for Education: "I’m not supposed to go to school today because my teacher told us that she’s going to be at the hospital and she can’t afford to hire a substitute."

No Balls: "Soccer practice was canceled today because they couldn’t find the ball."

Numerical Order: "I didn’t do my homework because my friend told me that it had to be done with a Number 3 pencil and all I have are Number 2s."

No, I’m not exactly sure when you’d ever have the occasion to use any of these excuses but at least now you have them.

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