How to Talk Your Way Out of a Speeding Ticket
Welcome back honey!Today on A Good Exucse Blog, we’re talking about speeding tickets. I know none of you out there drive over the speed limit. I never ever do either. But just in case someone you know acceidentaly does get a ticket for speeding, here are some tips for you to get out of a speeding ticket.
To properly demonstrate this, we’ll need to launch a new feature on A Good Excuse Blog and it’s called “Excuse TV!” On Excuse TV we’ll be sharing tips and tricks on a variety of subjects. As you can see, we have a whopping thirteen channels to choose from. Lets tune into channel 1 to see “how to avoid a speeding ticket”
Here are some DON'Ts for you, if you want to avoid a speeding ticket.
- Don't keep driving after you see that the police officer is signaling you
- Don't keep your engine running. This will make the officer think you're planning a quick getaway.
- Don't rummage around in your car. Cops see this and assume that you may be going for a weapon or trying to hide drugs.
- Don't be disrespectful to the officer. Your fate depends on how well you treat them.
- Don't lie. Police officers deal with liars every single day and they can see through just about any excuse you may come up with.
Now that we've gone over the "Don'ts" for getting pulled over, here are some "Do's".
- Do pull over as soon as you can safely do so.
- Do turn off your engine. This shows the officer that you'll be sticking around until he comes over to you.
- Do roll down your window. This shows that you are anticipating talking to the officer.
- Do put both hands on steering wheel: This puts the officer at ease, knowing you’re not rummaging through your car for something to attack him with.
- Do be respectful and honest. There's no reason to lie, especially when they already know the truth.
- Do try to change the subject, if appropriate. If you can change the topic to something the officer is interested in, you've taken the officer’s mind off giving you a ticket.
- Do use good manners. Police officers are people, just like you and I.
- Remember to say this very important phrase: “Please consider giving me a warning officer. I didn’t mean to be speeding. It was just a stupid mistake on my part." By telling him this before he goes back to check your information on his computer, you're letting him know that you're aware you made an honest mistake. Showing humility can go a long way towards not getting a ticket.
The Jury is Still Out on This One.
As Americans we enjoy a lot of privileges: we get to vote, own guns and believe in just about any God we want. Not to mention that whole First Amendment awesomeness. In exchange for these things, we are expected to perform certain duties as well. Jury Duties to be specific. If you have been recently called up for Jury Duty, don’t worry because there are plenty of ways to get out of it.
Did you know that you can get out of Jury Duty without even setting foot in a court room? In fact, it's the easiest way to do it! To get out of Jury Duty without even leaving the comfort of your own couch, simply request a “Change of Date” on your Jury Duty Notice form. Note that you are presently ill or are a student presently attending school and you would like to have a sooner date (not later). By asking for a sooner date, you are forcing them to slot you into a time they likely already have filled up. TA DA! You’ve just put Jury Duty off for another year.
If you have already mailed in your form because you figured attendance was mandatory and you had not yet found A Good Excuse Blog yet, here’s some other ways to ensure you don’t get selected for an actual trial:
Dress like a slob. Make yourself look dirty and awful. The court is looking for objective citizens preferably similar to the defendant since all they’re trying to put together “a jury of their peers”. If you look like you may vote guilty just because you have nothing better to do than obstruct justice, they won’t select you.
Claim you have an unprovable psychological condition. Claustrophobia (fear of small, confined spaces), Agoraphobia (fear of crowds), Mysophobia (fear of contamination of germs). If the court thinks you’ll be too busy worrying about contracting a disease from a crowd of people in a room that’s too small for you, they won’t select you.
When the prosecution asks you if there is any reason you should not be allowed to be on the jury, say these words and mean them: “I cannot be fair and impartial." This phrase is your last hope for getting out of actually serving on a trial. If you say “I cannot be fair and impartial" make sure you have a reason because they will ask you for one. For instance, if the case is about someone who was driving under the influence of alcholol, tell them “I cannot be fair and impartial because I had a friend who was killed by a drunk driver several years ago. They’ll send you right back out into the waiting room in a jiffy.