Inside these 150 lined pages are over 2000 excuses for just about every topic imaginable. And they’re grouped by topic. As you can see, there are notes here about each excuse. When it was used, who it was told to, etc. Some have smiley faces next to them, which means they were successful. Others have been crossed out completely, which means that for one reason or another they didn’t work.

Now, as I said, there are a lot of excuses in here. Over 2000 by my count. One of my hobbies was actually sitting down to think about hypothetical scenarios that might need excuses, so I could be prepared when they actually happened. The problem with this book, is that some of these excuses were written when I was only 7 or so. So, not only are they nearly illegible, they’re also not very believable.

There are some excuses that are so lame, they just need to be retired from the excuse book altogether.  Today I will be reading from the Excuse Book some of my more juvinile excuses from when I was a little ExcuseGal. I’m also going to be crossing off each one with a permanent marker to forever expel them from the book.

Bad Dream: "I can’t go to school today because I had a bad dream."

- I have since refined this and turned it into a valid boyfriend excuse.

Stuffed: "I don’t want to eat dinner because I’m still full from last night’s dinner."

- This one is a pretty flimsy excuse because, well, it’s just stupid. Especially when you just the same excuse two for not eating last night’s dinner.

Dog Gone It: "The dog hid my shoes and I can’t go to school without shoes."

-Maybe if I was a boy, this would work. But girls always have more than one pair of shoes.

No School: "My teacher said today she wasn’t going to class today so we should stay home."

-This is the day mom told me all about the miracle of substitute teachers.

Technorati Tags: childhood, early excuses, Excuse, excuse book, ExcuseGal

Landlords can be surprisingly flexible when it comes to the rent. And you can bargan with them if you need to. After all, they’d much rather get some money from you than none at all.

If you find yourself on the first of the month with slightly less than enough money, here are some great excuses to toss your landlord’s way for why you don’t have all the rent..

Bountiful Harvest: "I had the cash for the rent in an envelope on the counter next to my grocery list. My boyfriend saw it and thought I wanted him to take the money to the store. He bought all the groceries on the list and gave me back the money he didn’t spend, so now I’m $200 short."

Call It A Wash: "I explained to my niece that money was dirty and she shouldn’t play with it. I found out today that she took all the money from my cashed paycheck and flushed it down the toilet. The plumber told me it’s not recoverable."

Pet Problems: "My hamster got wedged under his wheel and I took him to the vet because he had some broken ribs. The vet set his ribs in a cast, but it cost $300."

Brakes-Down: "My car broke down yesterday and the mechanic said my brakes had to be replaced and it would cost $320."

Technorati Tags: Excuse, landlord, Rent, Short on rent

No more of this fruits and vegetables at the bottom stuff. If I ruled the world, the food pyramid would look something like this: We have the bottom of the pyramid, which would be Italian foods like pizza, pasta and calzones. Then there’s the middle, foods you should have 6 to 8 servings of each day. This would be mexican food, burritos, nachos and quesadillas. Finally, at the top of the pyramid you’d have the BBQ’ed food group.  Hamburgers, hotdogs, steaks, lemonaide. Even though the top of the pyramid is supposed to be foods you eat the least, I think you should eat BBQ just as much as the foods at the bottom. So I guess, this is more of a food hourglass. But, whatever...

Now, even though I love BBQs, I realize that not everybody does. If you’ve been invited to a BBQ and you just can’t imagine actually going, here are some great excuses to get out of going to a barbeque.

Ol’ Smokey: I’d love to go to your BBQ, but the grill smoke irritates my sinuses and I can’t breathe the rest of the day.

Principle Of The Thing: I recently saw a video of a slaughterhouse and I’m going to be a vegetarian so I can’t support your consuming of defenseless animal flesh.

Alergic Retraction: My Hay-Fever has really been acting up lately and I’m worried that if I went to your barbeque, I’d be too busy sneezing and wheezing to actually eat anything.

Angry Bovine: I heard that there’s another strain of Mad Cow Disease circulating and I’d rather not take any chances with meat.

If you like the videos in these posts, be sure to subscribe to ExcuseGal’s YouTube channel. We love to make new friends!

Technorati Tags: BBQ, Cookout, Excuse, Ribs

It’s actually kind of amazing to think that we ever once had the confidence (or naivete) to pull off such a bold lie. As we get older and learn more about the world, we start to learn what kinds of excuses are plausible and what kinds are ridiculous. But, between the ages of 4 and 8, you’re still experimenting with how much you can bend reality when it comes to excuses.

Luckily, the my parents kept a log of all my various whoppers. Here are some great excuses to use… if you’re 5 years old.

Knock Down: "I didn’t break the vase but I saw a big bird come in through the window and he knocked it over."

No Substitute for Education: "I’m not supposed to go to school today because my teacher told us that she’s going to be at the hospital and she can’t afford to hire a substitute."

No Balls: "Soccer practice was canceled today because they couldn’t find the ball."

Numerical Order: "I didn’t do my homework because my friend told me that it had to be done with a Number 3 pencil and all I have are Number 2s."

No, I’m not exactly sure when you’d ever have the occasion to use any of these excuses but at least now you have them.

Technorati Tags: childhood, Excuse, juvenile, lies

Excuses for not going to school:

Whoop There It Is!: My doctor told me I have the symptoms of Whooping Cough and that I should stay away from people for the next few days because I’m very contagious.

Cactus Punch: I punctured my leg on a cactus this morning while jogging. I have to go to the ER to see if I need to get stictches.

Hey Gramps: My Grandpa flew up from Florida to surprise me with a visit this morning. He didn’t know I had class and I don’t want to hurt his feelings by leaving him all alone today.

Pet-Smart: I found a lost dog in my neighborhood this morning. She doesn’t have a collar so I’m taking her in to PetSmart to see if she has an id chip implanted on her.

Technorati Tags: ditch, Excuse, Get-out-of-School

Here are some heavenly excuses that you can use to get out of church.

Hardwood: I woke up with really bad back pain I don’t think the hard wooden pews will help my situation any.

If it’s Good Enough For the Lord: I need to stay home today and rest, like the Lord did on the Seventh Day in the bible.

Over-worked: I have too much school work to do today and if I wait until we get back from church to start on it, I won’t be in bed until late, which will keep me from paying full attention to my classes on Monday.

Technorati Tags: Church, Excuse, how to, Religion

Now, some of you may remember a post from a few months ago where we discussed some good break-up excuses. Well we got some requests on Twitter to post some more. Apparently a lot of people out there just have no idea how to break it off. If you feel like your relationship is on a non-stop train to nowhere, whip out one of these break-up excuses and you’ll be able to get off at the very next stop.

Laugh-In: You have a really annoying laugh and I can’t go out with someone who I’m embarrassed to go to the movies with.

Mirror, Mirror: You remind me too much of one of my ex-boyfriends. I can’t even look at you without seeing him.

Relationship Rift: We’ve been growing apart for a while now and I think it’s time we both see other people.

Luck of the Draw: I just won the lottery and I don’t want the money to come between us, so let’s break up now.

So, there you have it. Four more great break-up excuses for you to use next time you lose yourself in a bad relationship haze.

For more excuses you can follow ExcuseGal on Twitter or check out her YouTube Channel.

Technorati Tags: annoying, Break-up, ex-boyfriend, Excuse, Relationship