Church for Church’s Sake?
Welcome back honey!It’s Sunday, it’s 7 AM it’s… not time to party. According to my parents, 7 am on Sunday is reserved for getting into your nice church clothes and piling into the car to take an hour long drive to a church that we aren’t even in the same area code as anymore. We would have been much less resistant to church if we could have found one closer to our house. I didn’t really mind attending church (I always drew funny captions on the weeks sermon handout illustration) but wasting nearly a full hour of my precious weekend just to drive there was insane to me.
Here are some heavenly excuses that you can use to get out of church.
Hardwood: I woke up with really bad back pain I don’t think the hard wooden pews will help my situation any.
If it’s Good Enough For the Lord: I need to stay home today and rest, like the Lord did on the Seventh Day in the bible.
Over-worked: I have too much school work to do today and if I wait until we get back from church to start on it, I won’t be in bed until late, which will keep me from paying full attention to my classes on Monday.
Racking Up the Bills
As a culture, American’s are defined by our possessions. We are a generation of consumers who measure our success by measuring the size of our HDTVs. We compare the size of our SUV to the size of our neighbors. And if we can get double the amount of fast food french fries for just a quarter more, we feel like big winners.
As much as I love owning things, I really hate paying bills. Why can’t these companies just realize that I just want the product or service they are offering? I don‘t want to pay for it too. But, that’s not the world we live in. If we want a particular good or service, we’re expected to pay for it. If not now, at least later when the bill comes in the mail.
If you need a good excuse for not paying a bill, give these a try.
Hard Times: I recently got let go from my job and I can’t pay until I find a new job or my unemployment checks come in.
Computer Error: There was a problem with my automatic bill pay service. They paid another company two times instead of paying you and them both once. Next month you’ll get two payments and they’ll get zero.
Lost in the Mail: There must be some mistake in the mailroom. I sent a check over a week ago.
Nomenclature: I have a bill here that says I need to remit payment. I didn’t know what “remit” means so I didn’t pay it.
Ideally, these excuses will only help you out with existing bills. I don’t recommend going out and racking up new debts and obligations just to give these exuses a test run.
Take a Vacation from School
Today is Saturday, the 14th. Now, that by itself isn’t much. But, if you’re safe and sound on Saturday, the 14th, that means you survived another Friday the 13th. To celebrate, you should all take a day off of school and relax in your own special way.
It’s important to take a breaks from school every so often, and I’m not talking about weekends, or the occasional President’s day. By taking an impromptu day off from school, you’ll be able to gain some very important perspective on life and not have to worry about what the square root of nine hundred and one is , or what date ArchDuke Franz Ferdanand was shot or who wrote Death Be Not Proud.
Here are some easy get-out-of-school excuses to tell your parents in the morning:
Skip the Middleman: I think I have a stomach virus and I don’t want to go all the way to school, throw up, then wait in the nurses office for an hour while waiting to get picked up and taken back home.
Field-Day: I want to go to school today, but I forgot to turn-in the form for my field trip in time so I’d just be stuck there in the library all day not learning anything.
Busy Bees: I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go to school today because they’re removing the bee hive from the tree by my history class and I don’t want to be around a bunch of angry bees.
Think Hard: I have a really bad headache and I feel dizzy. I might be able to go to school, but I don’t think I’d be able to concentrate on any of my classes.
How to Turn Somebody Down
I was never a super popular kid in elementary school. Or junior high. Or high school. When I got to college though, I realized that there were no longer popular and unpopular kids. In college, everyone is there by choice so they just hang around with other like minded people. Because of this, I think everyone has an equal chance a popularity within their own group. This is the way society is meant to be.
Unfortunately, popularity is kind of a double edged sword. It’s great when people want to be around you, but it’s not so great if you don’t want to be around them. Since I’ve been in college I’ve gotten quite a few date requests that I’ve had to turn down.
Here are some excuses for not going out with somebody:
Blame The ‘Rents: "My parents are super-strict and they don’t let me date people who aren’t my same “religion/nationality/hair color” as me."
Dating Pool: "Sorry but I don’t date people who go to the same school as me."
Extreme Focus: "I need to stay focused on my career/school work and I don’t want to get involved with somebody right now."
Type-Cast: "I think you’re great, but you’re just not my type."
Classic: "I’d rather keep you as a friend."