The Jury is Still Out on This One.
Welcome back honey!
As Americans we enjoy a lot of privileges: we get to vote, own guns and believe in just about any God we want. Not to mention that whole First Amendment awesomeness. In exchange for these things, we are expected to perform certain duties as well. Jury Duties to be specific. If you have been recently called up for Jury Duty, don’t worry because there are plenty of ways to get out of it.
Did you know that you can get out of Jury Duty without even setting foot in a court room? In fact, it's the easiest way to do it! To get out of Jury Duty without even leaving the comfort of your own couch, simply request a “Change of Date” on your Jury Duty Notice form. Note that you are presently ill or are a student presently attending school and you would like to have a sooner date (not later). By asking for a sooner date, you are forcing them to slot you into a time they likely already have filled up. TA DA! You’ve just put Jury Duty off for another year.
If you have already mailed in your form because you figured attendance was mandatory and you had not yet found A Good Excuse Blog yet, here’s some other ways to ensure you don’t get selected for an actual trial:
Dress like a slob. Make yourself look dirty and awful. The court is looking for objective citizens preferably similar to the defendant since all they’re trying to put together “a jury of their peers”. If you look like you may vote guilty just because you have nothing better to do than obstruct justice, they won’t select you.
Claim you have an unprovable psychological condition. Claustrophobia (fear of small, confined spaces), Agoraphobia (fear of crowds), Mysophobia (fear of contamination of germs). If the court thinks you’ll be too busy worrying about contracting a disease from a crowd of people in a room that’s too small for you, they won’t select you.
When the prosecution asks you if there is any reason you should not be allowed to be on the jury, say these words and mean them: “I cannot be fair and impartial." This phrase is your last hope for getting out of actually serving on a trial. If you say “I cannot be fair and impartial" make sure you have a reason because they will ask you for one. For instance, if the case is about someone who was driving under the influence of alcholol, tell them “I cannot be fair and impartial because I had a friend who was killed by a drunk driver several years ago. They’ll send you right back out into the waiting room in a jiffy.
